Do you always have impossibly high standards for yourself?
Would you rather do things yourself than have someone else do them “wrong”?
Do you tend to feel tense, stressed, or anxious?
And last but not least, have you ever asked yourself if you are “enough”?
Or maybe you told yourself that you are not, over and over again, until you turned that thought into a negative pattern, a cognitive distortion?
If you are able to relate to at least one of these questions, then I will ask you to reflect on the following ones:
Whose voice is that?
Who is setting these standards?
Who is creating these beliefs?
Who is triggering these emotional responses?
Who is initiating these negative self-talks?
That is what we call your “Inner Perfectionist.”
Perfectionism can be defined as having excessively high standards and being overly self-critical. Therefore, perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. Thus, they judge themselves relentlessly whenever they make mistakes because this can trigger shame responses, causing them to become extremely embarrassed.
In parallel, perfectionists also struggle with constant disappointments when others fail to meet their expectations or hopes.
This sustained feeling of inadequacy, arising out of basing their self-worth on what they do, what they achieve, and what others think of them, could lead to some mental and physical health issues, such as:
Higher levels of anxiety and depression
Fatigue
Headaches
Insomnia
Self-harm
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Eating disorders and poor body image
Impaired job performance
Lower resilience to challenges and adversity
Difficulty forming close, trusting relationships
Hypersensitivity to criticism and judgment
Poor lifestyle choices
However, everything in life has two sides. Being mindful of that truth will intrigue you to search for ways to make the best of anything.
In this case, while “maladaptive” perfectionism is a bully, “healthy” perfectionism has a purpose.
In fact, striving for excellence is not harmful by itself. It can lead to amazing triumphs, making it a remarkable quality.
Only by setting the bar so high and converting realistic goals into unachievable dreams would one fall into the trap of perfectionism that can cause them damage.
In other terms, maladaptive facets of perfectionism involve self-critical evaluation and concerns about others’ expectations. So, when they fail, they either become obsessed with the goal and increase their efforts or avoid the activity altogether.
On the other hand, healthy facets of perfectionism encompass striving for personal standards and achievement. This is why, if they fail, they learn from their mistakes and stay engaged in the activity.
The following steps can be taken to overcome perfectionism and improve overall well-being:
• Become more aware of your thoughts, behaviors, and tendencies. “Journaling and practicing mindful meditations can be very helpful.”
• Challenge your thoughts with concrete facts. “Where is the evidence that you’re not good enough or don’t measure up?”
• Focus on the positive. “Practice gratitude daily.”
• Allow yourself to make mistakes. “A mistake is a perfect opportunity to learn, grow, and do better.”
• Alter your negative self-talk. “Positive affirmations will enhance your self-esteem and lead to a healthy outlook on life.”
• Set reasonable goals, such as SMART goals. “Specific-Measurable-Attainable-Relevant-Timely.”
• Consider breaking down tasks. “Break the vicious circle of all-or-nothing mindset.”
• Learn how to accept constructive feedback and grow. “Practice self-control. Deep breathing exercises can help you slow down and calm any possible rage, allowing you to rethink any comment and see things with new eyes.”
• Lower the pressure you put on yourself. “Practice self-compassion.”
• Focus on Meaning over Perfection. “While pursuing perfection could create frustration, searching for meaning would lead to fulfillment.”
• Try not to procrastinate. “You don’t need to do the work perfectly from the first trial.”
• Ask for help if needed. “Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step”- Mariska Hargitay
Perfectionism will not show your perfect version to the world. It will prevent you from being seen until you use it as a skill while recognizing and respecting your limitations, setting realistic goals, making conscious choices, and living by them.
Now is the time to take off that mask, meet your true self, identify your strengths, accept your flaws, and be your ideal identity.
