The next Valentine’s Day is not for another number of months. However, I regularly question if we seriously need just that one day to express, show, prove, and celebrate love, that most amazing emotion. It makes me realize that many miss the point that love is an ongoing process, a series of actions – not just feelings. It’s always there and we don’t need a reminder if we’re truly experiencing it, right?
This brings me to yet another long-forgotten notion: self-love. Important to your overall well-being, self-love influences how you deal with the problems in your life, your professional image, and who you pick as a partner. Why hasn’t anyone initiated a day to celebrate this important concept?
What does it take to indulge in self-love?
In order to love yourself, you need to take good care of yourself and get to know yourself deeper (including all your strengths and weaknesses). Focus on your achievements and acknowledge yourself for the effort you’re taking to improve your life. Refrain from self-criticism and substitute that with forgiveness for past misdemeanors.
Make the time to relax, to have fun, and to pamper yourself on every occasion. Nurture your dreams and grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. Equip yourself with positive affirmations, build your own confidence, trust yourself, and be truthful and kind to yourself. Be attentive to your body’s needs. It’s the only place you stay in as long as you live.
Why is this important again?
For one, because you’re the only person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, that’s a given.
Also, others pick up on your lack of self-love. How do you expect to be loved if YOU yourself are not in love with YOU? Being in love with someone entails caring, respecting, trusting, intimately knowing, and being gentle with that other. You need to first do this for yourself. I assure you that this practice brings you the most enriching love of all. And only when you’re capable of doing that, can you do justice to those you love.
If you’re already in a relationship, and you’re engulfed in the overflowing love circle, then that’s wonderful. Enjoy it as much as you can. Beware, though, about not getting overly enmeshed with your partner at the expense of losing your true self. Protect and preserve your uniqueness, identity, and feelings. This is what’s meant by remaining in love with YOU at the same time. It means love them back while setting boundaries that will keep you from feeling like a victim of love or a martyr for your partner in case they ever try to walk all over you.
If your heart is currently vacant, then one of your primary needs remains unfulfilled. There is a romantic void that you’ll have to accept, while focusing on others who still love you (and there are many of those if you really think about it). The time will come when your heart will beat hard again at the sight of that special someone, but until then, you have plenty more time and energy to focus on “better self-love”.
Only by loving yourself, will you attract more love to your life. Therefore, whether with or without a partner, make frequent dates with yourself. Fill up your tank with self-love to better be able to continue your life journey. I am not encouraging you to be totally selfish, nor to become a narcissist. These two are completely different notions that entirely exclude attending to others’ emotions or needs.
Loving your self prepares you to give wholeheartedly to those you love. In this context, I hear many people complaining that they bored when they’re alone. This is an alarming signal of deficits in self-love. If you are bored in your own company, then that means you’re boring with whoever you’re with. Perhaps you’re not focusing enough on your inner strengths and beauty and instead are spending your “alone” time complaining and criticizing your deficits. And perhaps you’re relying too heavily on others to validate your self-worth while you yourself never acknowledge it. Change this, and fast!
Are you the type who walks around with a sign around their neck that says: “Love me”??? Hold it right there! Stick that sign to the mirror where it belongs and read it daily. The only person who can truly love you for all your strengths and faults is YOU. No one else will do a better job than YOU.
Let’s be real. While others might leave you at any point in your life, you will remain there right beside you for as long as you live.
What’s one thing you love about yourself?
