Going through a disease like cancer has a significant impact on someone’s life.
When someone you love has cancer, you might be at a loss as to know how best you can help.
You may want to be there for your loved one but not be sure how or where to start as (s)he copes with the myriad of challenges cancer poses: the diagnosis, medical appointments, treatments and overall disruption of their life.
Here are some pointers and tips that can help:
Being around: A significantly challenging illness like cancer can make a person feel like (s)he is alone in their battle. The simplest acts like being there, reassuring the person they are listened to, can help make sense of the difficulties faced and ease the sense of isolation.
Relating and talking to your loved one the same way you did before their diagnosis helps them keep a sense of normalcy, without feeling that the disease is overshadowing his/her life or interactions.
(S)he may feel discouraged if others avoid talking about their illness. If you have trouble knowing what to say, then something like “this is so hard, I do not know what to say” is fine and acknowledges the situation instead of denying it. Yet other patients might not feel like talking about their disease or treatment at all.
If they need a break from their situation and welcome distraction from treatment, you could engage them in enjoyable activities (taking a walk, watching a movie, etc.) or even just normal day-to-day activities.
At times, your loved one may feel like a burden to you and others and avoid mentioning his/her needs or feelings. Every so often, ask how they are feeling, if they need anything, or if there is anything you can do to help them. This will let him/her know you are there for them and not shy away from asking for your support when needed.
(S)he might also try to appear strong, so as not to worry others and keep a sense of normality, even if they feel unwell or are too tired. Keep a look out for what is unsaid and regularly ask if they need anything.
Help track treatment: Tracking a patient’s treatment course (auto-charting) helps them have all their treatment information available whenever needed:
- Diagnosis
- Medications and dose
- Test results
- Treatment and schedule
- Different procedures
Care for children: When a parent goes through cancer treatment, they may be unable to care for their children at times, while children may be confused and require attention and reassurance. You can offer support and help maintain a sense of normality in their life. You might drive them to and from school, accompany them to after-school activities or take them on a fun outing.
Help with errands: The simplest acts like running errands for your loved one can go a long way. (S)he may find uncomfortable asking for help and asking specific questions is important in this case. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything.” ask “What groceries do you need from the supermarket?” or “Where do you need me to drop you off.”
Cook: During treatment, your loved one may not have much of an appetite, suffer from nausea, or simply feel too tired to prepare meals for themselves. Yet maintaining good nutrition is essential during treatment. You can help by asking them what foods they feel like eating and then preparing those for them.
Help with housework: Cancer treatment can be tiring and your loved one may feel like (s)he is not properly caring for their house. Even when (s)he has the time or energy to do some housework, they may not be able to finish the task they set out to do. You could help finish or take care of these tasks. Tidy up the house, rinse the dishes and help with the laundry.
Accompany them to appointments: Processing all the information about their cancer and its treatment, and taking critical decisions, can be difficult and overwhelming. You can help prepare for doctor’s appointments and hospital visits and accompany them:
- Write down all the questions they need to ask
- Write down the information the doctor shares
- Remind them of any question they may have forgotten to ask
– Remind them of what was discussed or agreed upon in case they forgot
Help them learn about their cancer: Upon diagnosis, it can be overwhelming for your loved one to take it all the information related to their illness and the treatment options. You can help by researching the information needed and to share what you learned with him/her.
Cancer treatment and recovery can take many months. This makes it important to remember to also take care of yourself as you support your loved one.
