Nurturing relationships are vital to our health and well-being. Compelling evidence demonstrates that strong relationships help us live long, healthy, and happy lives. Conversely, a lack of fulfilling relationships increases our chances of suffering from depression and can even weaken our immune system and cause high blood pressure.
We’re not born with the natural ability to develop and build great relationships with others. So how can we develop and sustain healthy and positive relationships? How can we ensure that our lives include people we can trust and confide in, who can advise and support us, who are willing to mentor us?
We asked an expert! Lebanese psychotherapist and counselor Fadi El Halabi agreed to be interviewed by our intern Talar Boghossian. Specialized in marriage and relationships, Fadi is a television talk show host, frequent guest speaker, and facilitator with extensive experience in human relations and personal development.
Talar: Why is it important for us to build and sustain meaningful and strong relationships?
Fadi: The quality of our well-being is determined by the quality of the relationships we build. Always keep this golden rule in mind!
Our brain is essentially a social brain and not just biological in its make-up. In our daily lives, our connections with others and the quality of these connections determine the level of our inner happiness and our ability to maximize our potential.
So, in order for us to live healthy lives, we must establish strong and meaningful connections to others, whether these are personal, intimate, social or professional in nature.
Talar: What are some key skills one can learn or develop to build and maintain strong relationships?
Fadi: The ability to build healthy relationships is not something we acquire spontaneously.
First, we need to cultivate healthy relationships with ourselves. By this I mean that we need to recognize our relational needs, assess our strengths and limitations, and learn to manage our emotions.
Then, we must develop excellent listening skills. We should always place our full focus on the person we’re speaking with, keeping an open mind by listening without judging the speaker or mentally criticizing the things (s)he tells us, and acknowledging the thoughts and feelings of the speaker by regularly reformulating what (s)he said.
Working to become aware of and understanding both our own and someone else’s emotions, interests and values strengthens our relational intelligence which, in turn, can improve the quality of our relationships.
Learning to manage conflict in a win-win way is yet another skill that helps us nurture positive relationships.
Talar: How can we build and manage relationships with diverse types of people/different characters? For example, people we need to work with who we might not normally befriend.
Fadi: We need to acknowledge that we will encounter people with different characters and personalities.
The first step then is to accept that we all have the right to be different and to recognize that everyone’s choices, decisions, emotions, and behaviours depend on core needs such as “certainty”, “love and connection”, “growth”, etc. Being able to understand and respect what drives others, makes it easier to develop positive relationships.
Developing empathy and tolerance as well as the ability to ask, receive, give, and refuse will further help us build healthy relationships.
Talar: What do you believe to be the main factor negatively impacting our ability to build positive relationships?
Fadi: Particularly in Lebanon and the surrounding region, we experience high levels of stress – most often related to economic, financial and political obstacles – which can negatively affect our outlook on life, our future and the people in our environment. I would even say that the news, our environment and the people who are part of it can damage our self-esteem. These factors make it even more important for us to build strong relationships with positive and supportive people.
Talar: In your experience, how are the Internet, social media and mobile technology affecting our relationships?
Fadi: Although we can’t avoid the virtual world, we must give careful consideration to what we say online and how it may affect others. Without in-person interaction, emotions are poorly transmitted, and messages can easily be misinterpreted. We also have a tendency to post only what makes us look good to others thereby sharing an unrealistic representation of our day-to-day lives.
It not possible for us to be truly present and active listeners online, but even when we are in the physical presence of others, we let our mobile devices distract us and look at our screens instead of at the person who is talking to us.
In order for us to build and maintain quality relationships, we must regularly turn off our devices and truly focus on the people who surround us.
Talar: Are there any other tips or recommendations you can share with those of us who wish to truly connect and communicate effectively with our families, friends, and colleagues?
Fadi: Always trust that you are able to nurture success and happiness among your family, friends, and colleagues, and work on further developing the necessary skills. Accept that you might fail from time to time but that you can learn from such a failure. Develop strong relationships along with your physical and financial health to be comfortable overall. We all have the potential to become the best versions of ourselves.
Mastering these four pillars of life: self-love, self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem, will further help you to build any type of relationship with ease and certainty. The energy of people who are comfortable in their own skin and have a positive outlook on life makes us feel good and wanting to spend time with them.
Invest in developing the skills that can help you enjoy strong bonds in both your personal and professional life, thereby enjoying better health and a great sense of well-being.
